i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
