So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
