if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
