Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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