the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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