A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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