i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
