Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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