Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
