There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
