I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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