hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
