I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
