i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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