don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
