Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
