Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
