you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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