Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
