drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
