wanna go halves on a baby?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
