My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
