Soap is not a condiment
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Boobs are out for the taking
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
