I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
