Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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