On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
