We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
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Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
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The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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