no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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