I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This baby is an asshole
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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