Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
