nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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