And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
