i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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