I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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