my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize