well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
