Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
