Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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