Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
