Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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