i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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