I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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