the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
