that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize