very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
