I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
