Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
false alarm, still single
Randomize
