Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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