You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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