Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize