Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
