Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
