K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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