So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she woke up with a sticky ear
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
