The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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