I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
