remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
