we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
