We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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