I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
